woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
