i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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