i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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