do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
