I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize