She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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