Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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