Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize