and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
