remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
