so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
love makes seman taste better
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
