Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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