we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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