I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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