I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
