I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My dick has a subreddit
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
