Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
