hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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