WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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