I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize