my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize
