and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
