You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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