either way he was missing a nipple.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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