omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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