The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
