The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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