Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
