I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
