dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have aggressive nipples.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
