how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
