Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
