I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
