I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
