I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
