Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
