I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We have started to decorate penises.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
