I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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