Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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