discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
