I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize