I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
