he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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