I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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