Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
