I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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