3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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