I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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