What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
