i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
