belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
