The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
smell my finger.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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