Will you blow on my dice?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
