Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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