So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
