i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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