I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
