I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Couch. On fire.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
