you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
