coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
