omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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