I think my vagina is haunted
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
