She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
