I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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