remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
