Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wear drunk well.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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