It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Damn victory sex feels great
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
