So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize