I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
