if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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