You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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