I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
