I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
