Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
