Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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