please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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