He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
