my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm bleeding and have questions
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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