Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
