I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
