Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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