bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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