ya dads aren't the best wingmen
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He? As in you personified your dick?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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