I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
