You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
