Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think your dad took our porno
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
