The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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